After a frosty dinner on the day of Christmas, Richard Bentz, aged 55, wrote a mass mail to his girlfriend’s folks convincing them that he is not attempting to win the place of their weird uncle. Bentz who has been dating 52-year-old Angela Ferris, for approximately three months, attended the yearly Christmas reception at Ferris’s sister’s place. Bentz is the first man to accompany Angela to a family gathering ever since her beloved husband, Tom, passed away in a freak lap dance accident last June.
“I felt like I started off on the wrong foot with Angela’s family and I wanted to break the ice,” stated the former long-haul mover on his choice to send the mass email. “I was apprehensive, and I suppose I tried too hard to please them. It has only been a short while since they have lost their uncle. For this reason, they responded so horribly when I showed them that funny video of monkeys jerking off on YoutTube. “
In the email, Bentz reassured them that there was just one “Uncle Tommy,” and that no person would be capable of replacing his creepy lingering hugs and jokes on underaged Asian prostitutes. Though, he longed a day would come when they could have an uncomfortably painful relationship of their own.
His girlfriend also wishes her folks can grow to accept her new boyfriend. “My niece who is 22 years old said to me that it felt creepy somebody other than Uncle Tommy leer down her shirt as she passed him the refried beans,” Angela said. “In my response to her, I said that it felt creepy somebody other than Uncle Tommy lurching up to me in a nightclub, grab my butt and slurringly ask whether the carpet matched the curtains. But I know Uncle Tommy would like both of us to move on.”
At press-time, Angela Ferris’s folks were still doubtful, however willing to give Bentz a second shot at Easter brunch, where he is expected to practice control in cracking “egg dropping” jokes regarding his thirteen-year-old niece.